La Vie en Rose
by ShadowGoblet21
Summary: Lily has one last chance to not screw things up. LJ fluff Please read and review.


It had been a long, shitty day, and Alice couldn't wait to change in to her most comfortable jim-jams. The bottom of her trousers were completely soaked and her umbrella had fallen apart earlier on her way back from the supermarket. She stopped in front of the door, pulled her wand out from beneath her robes, and with a swish, heard the click of the door.

"Lily, I'm home! Can you come here for a quick minute? I need some help. Oh, and please tell me that you remembered to send that note I left at the counter? Frank needed to..."

"Alice!" Lily Evans came running in to the kitchen, her hair and eyes a mess. Her nose was red, and her eyes full of tears. It wasn't often that the ex-Head Girl of Hogwarts would be seen so out of sorts.

"Oh shit, who died?" Alice ran to Lily and pulled her in to her arms, patting her back, praying to Merlin that nothing happened to Frank.

"It's...it's not that," Lily hiccuped and attempted to swallow her urge to cry. "Everything is fucked up. I don't know what to do Alice!"

"Okay, it's alright. Just tell me sweetie, what happened?" Alice summoned a glass of water as they both sat on the lumpy couches. Lily quickly gulped down the water, as Alice handed her a handkerchief, and proceeded to blow her nose loudly. Lily Evans was not a pretty crier.

She slammed the glass on the coffee table, and looked at Alice as calmly as she could. "He asked me to marry him."

Alice's eyebrows shot up her forehead. "When did this happen?"

"Just an hour ago. We were at that pub, you know the one we went to for our first date, and he just flat out asked me! I hadn't even finished my dinner!"

"Okay...what did you say to him?" At this question, Lily's eyes started to water again, and she sniffled again.

"I told him I needed time."

"Okay, well that's good. Lily, isn't this what you want?" Alice asked this cautiously, trying to prevent Lily from breaking down again.

"If you asked me this a month ago, maybe I would have said yes. But since my parents," at this Lily began to cry freely again and Alice hurriedly put her arms around her best friend, "passed and the work with the Order has increased, I just don't know if this is what I want! I'm so confused."

"Shhh, it's okay. Lily, you love Benjy, and he loves you! This is good, I promise. It's okay if you're confused, and you have time to make your decision."

"But that's just it. I think Benjy is just freaked out that we're going to die, and that's why he asked me! We had talked about marriage, and I had told him that I want to wait for this war to be over."

"Lily, perhaps that is a reason, but he still cares for you! You know that he does."

Lily straightened her back, and pulled back from Alice. "You're right, he does. But Alice, I don't think this feels right. When he asked me, I didn't feel the same as you did when Frank proposed!"

"Lily, that doesn't mean that-"

"Yes, it does mean something! I didn't feel joy or relief. I just felt fear that I'm missing something. I felt like, yes this is what the next step in our relationship should be, but not now! It's too soon, and I'm not over him." Lily slipped her hands over her mouth, looking obviously shocked.

"Lily," Alice spoke slowly, drawing the words out, "are you talking about James Potter? The same guy that foolishly laid his heart out in his hands several times, which you then chopped up to pieces!" Lily looked at Alice helplessly, with so much distraught and frustration, and was about to speak, but was cut off sharply by her upset friend.

"The same guy that matured, probably thinking that if he became serious about life that he'd have a chance with you, and then professed his feelings for you again in the seventh year? And let me remind you that you yelled at him!"

"Yes, I know! But, I was scared. And you know what, I'm glad I didn't say yes then, because he's one of my best friends now!" Lily looked down to her lap, stringing her hands together, and looked up at Alice. "He's been so nice to me, and he really has been there, especially after all the shit that has been going on."

"Lily, yes I know that he's someone important now. But, you've had your chance." Alice said this part quietly, and with some regret. "As much as I wish that both of you could get together, James has been really hurt. And, I'm not saying you didn't have a right to refuse him, but he can't let go of you if you keep giving him hope."

Alice wiped away Lily's tears with her handkerchief, and summoned some more water. "Yes, I'm just being silly. I don't know what's wrong. Maybe I just felt like I was missing him, because of everyone constantly telling us that we'd end up together," Lily added pathetically with a dry laugh.

"Lily, just think on this for a bit, yeah? You don't have to marry Benjy if you think you don't love him. I just want you to be happy, yeah?"

"I know Alice. I'm sorry, I'm so barmy."

"Lils, you know I was freaked out about saying yes to Frank! It's just normal."

"Yeah, you're right," Lily said quietly, not seeming like she believed herself.

After packing away the groceries from earlier, and making sure that Lily had calmed down, and was going to sleep, Alice excused herself to her room waiting for Frank's response to her earlier letter. Lily was left alone with her thoughts again.

She closed her eyes, willing sleep to overcome her, but alas it didn't seem so easy to forget the day's events. She stared out the windows, wishing she was born in another time. Maybe if Voldermort wasn't around, and her parents were still alive, she could be happy with Benjy. Her parents could have liked him. But, she still felt like she was settling if she said yes to Benjy. Yes, he was sweet and cared for her, but she couldn't get rid of the feeling that she was missing something important.

Disgusted in herself for being so selfish and indecisive, she shrugged the blanket off, and climbed off the bed to put on her dressing gown. She needed to talk to him before talking to Benjy. She wouldn't feel right without telling him. Maybe, this was just all a mistake, and she was imagining something that isn't there anymore. Glancing in the mirror, running her fingers through her tousled hair, she grabbed her wand and apparated without another thought.

James Potter was rummaging through his closet, with a butterbeer in hand, when the knock on the door interrupted him. Sighing, and rolling his eyes, he struggled to get the belt on with a hand. At the same time, a tapping noise on the bedroom window alerted him.

"Just a minute!" he yelled at whoever was at the door. He chugged the rest of his drink and tossed the can in the bucket, smiling that he had made it from his awkward angle, and made his way to the window. His owl fluttered inside and dropped a letter on the counter, hooting for his master to treat him.

It was Sirius's messy scrawl reminding him that it was his turn to convince Remus to join them in Hogsmeade later. Grunting, and muttering about his best mate's laziness, he grabbed his shirt and pulled the door open.

Lily blushed, and James smiled slightly, holding open the door.

"I'm sorry if I'm disturbing your Wednesday night plans, but I just needed to speak with you."

"Lily, of course! Come inside will you. Everything alright?" He shrugged the shirt on after shutting the door, and led Lily to the couch.

"Umm, I think so."

"Do you want a drink?"

"No, no I'm fine. Listen, do you have time right now? We can just chat later." She was nervous, from what he could tell. And at a closer look, he saw the puffiness around her eyes.

He pulled an arm around her shoulder, and looked down seriously, "Lily, were you crying?"

She willed herself not to cry, but it was becoming more difficult. She stepped away from his arms and cleared her throat.

"It was Benjy's and mine anniversary tonight," she said quietly while hiccuping. He raised his eyebrows, looking at her with caution.

"Okay, that's lovely Evans, but what's the problem? Did the prick forget or something?"

"No, he remembered." She sighed, and stared at him, willing for the words to come out. "Ugh, never mind, this was a mistake! I shouldn't have come!"

James caught hold of both her shoulders and made her look up at him. "Lily, tell me what's wrong."

"He proposed!" She yelled this, and watched with a sinking feeling, as James's tightened grip loosened, and his face looked completely shocked. He stepped back, and ruffled his hair in the way that she used to hate, but not so much anymore.

"Oh, um, okay. That's great, right?" He asked timidly and caught off guard.

"I said I needed to think about it. It's just not the right time, right? I mean there's a war going on, and it's not the time to just fuck it all, and get married!" James looked at her, having controlled his initial shock, and tried to think of what to say to placate her. But he couldn't, because this was Lily, and she couldn't marry Benjy. Not when the both of them had finally gotten close, and he was sure that she felt something for him. He knew he wasn't making it up, and there was no way in hell he could get over her, not now.

"Alice thinks I'm just having cold feet, and that it's normal. Maybe, I am. But, I just need to ask you James." She looked up at him with her large, emerald eyes.

"Lily, why do you need to ask me?"

"James, I just need you to tell me what you think. You're always honest with me."

"I thought you love him."

"I do love him, but-"

"Then what's so complicated!" James yelled, completely annoyed at this point. "If you love him, then that's it, isn't it?"

She stepped closer to him, threading her fingers through his right hand. "James, whenever I think of getting married to him, I fear that I'm making a mistake. I don't think that is how one should feel when getting proposed to. I can't be happy now, I just buried my parents a month ago. And, you two don't even get along! What's going to happen if I go and marry him? I won't see you anymore!"

James sighed, wiped her tears, and pulled her in to his arms. She closed her eyes, inhaling his scent, while he ran his fingers through her hair. "Lily," he said quietly, "I'm not going to leave you. Even if you get married to him."

"James, you both couldn't even make it through drinks last week without arguing and storming off."

"Well, I'll try harder. I promise. And as for being happy, well, you deserve it." He pulled back and held her face close. "Your parents would want you to be happy."

"James, it's just not that." She placed her hands on either side of his face, too. "I feel like I'm missing something. And, I think that it's you."

Shock registered his face for the second time that evening. He moved his hands to her waist, while she held his face.

"I know I'm late," she whispered, "and I know that we missed our chance because I've been too stubborn, and I know how much I've hurt you. But James, I don't feel the same way about Benjy. I'm not in love with him anymore, and maybe I never was."

"How do you feel about me?"

"James, you're so much a part of my life, that I just didn't want to mess that up. I've been selfish, and as much as I knew how you felt, I didn't say yes, because I'm scared of how I feel when I'm with you, and what I'd be without you. Even when it seems like everything is fucked up, I feel like everything will be okay when I'm in your arms. I'm so sorry it took me so long to tell you."

James looked at her, hope and joy surging within him, and pulled her into a kiss. It was everything both of them thought it would be.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that," he said while brushing her hair behind her ear. She smiled up at him, and he kissed her again.

"Don't marry him, be with me."

She smiled brightly, and hugged him tightly. Because this time, she didn't feel panic or nervous. Lily felt as though she found her missing piece.


End file.
